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| it's nice to be back in cleveland. i know i keep saying that i wanted to go back to st. louis, and i did and had a wonderful time, but i feel like things are so weird back home. there are new buildings and new people - friends who i've known forever are going off into the world without me and coming back with crazy new experiences. i'm guilty of that, too, i know. i've had several life-changing experiences here at case and i'm not the same person anymore, either. i think that case is changing me back into a person that i used to be, though. a more emotional and less cynical person, but with more confidence than i've ever had. it's interesting, and i actually rather like it. more good news: i'm not completely terrified of my spanish conversation class! whoopee!  | | |
| i googled myself today out of sheer boredom. i think i'm the only gwen gorse in the world, really i do. which is kind of a crazy feeling
somehow the video of sara's and my commencement speech is on a barack obama website? ???
despite the frustration of never owning a ruler with my name on it, i've always been proud of never having known another gwen. it's something unique that i can cling to. i don't think i could ever give my children common names. i've joked about naming my first kid balthazar or shawty she'niqua - i'm just kidding, i could never be that cruel. but i love names like dorian, asher, brie, and corinne.
gareth is also pretty - would it be weird for a girl named gwen to have a child with an arthurian name? maybe that would be too much.
haha, how about tristan? a certain boy would love that, i'm sure  tristan boshinski, hmm...
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| one thing i've learned about myself in the past 4 months is that i cannot abide failure. this was never a problem for me before - everything i did in high school, i did well. i never realized that i was such a sore loser. but then i discovered terrible things like halo and call of duty, and i realized that there's no way that i'll ever be as good as the people here, because the amount of effort it would take requires that i not study for at least a month. which isn't acceptable.
so yes, i just bailed out in the middle of a game of halo because i had no kills and about 10 deaths.
i bailed out of a game of ping-pong yesterday because i knew i would lose.
and then i pout.
i must get over this, rawr. (side note: ping-pong is one of my favorite games and i'm a beast i was just having a bad day yesterday...)
other than that, i'm truly ready for finals to come and leave so i can go home and spend a month reading and watching tv. i miss reading and watching tv. i lie - i've done *some* reading. in fact, i finally finished a game of thrones over thanksgiving break. it was delicious. i would recommend it.
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| i feel mucho better - still a lot of work, but i'll get through it. and i'm SO excited to be coming home in a few days. i can't wait to see everyone!!!
thanks for the encouragement, everyone!
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| <rant>
the last couple of days have been AWFUL. allow me to list the ways:
- spanish yesterday was a bitch. as usual.
- i hate being a girl and sucking at videogames.
- i had to go to a meeting for liturgical ministers last night in the cold and snow. i walked for 15 minutes to find that NO ONE WAS THERE. i stayed for 20 minutes, then walked back. GREAT use of an hour of my life.
- i pretty much failed my calc test today. goodbye, A.
- i got my accounting test back. C. another A gone.
- i have 4 projects due within 3 days of each other in 2 weeks. i've started one.
- i hate getting into endless fights with immature assholes for being immature and holes of ass and then getting blamed for it.
- the bf thinks i'm mad at him. he doesn't believe that he's the only thing i'm NOT mad at right now.
basically, i'm so frustrated and i can't wait to go back to st. louis for thanksgiving.
</rant>
reassurance, please!
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